downey Funny Status Messages

   Ask me about our "blowj*bs for drinks program"

   Nothing says "I have no life," quite like people who listen to Nascar on the radio.

   If David Hasselhoff doesn't describe his workouts as "sweating his asseloff," well then screw him!

   I recently started to grow a beard, and I gotta tell ya... I feel way cooler already

   3 man code violations to report this week..1) seen a guy drinkin a can a diet pepsi with a straw 2) heard that two guys rode to work together on the same motorcycle 3) seen a guy driving a mini van with a doo rag on

   In my house, relationships go sour before a gallon of milk does...

   Gonna get a softball team going and name ourselves "off constantly". That way if we lose a game, we could still have the satisfaction of listening our opponents try to brag about beating off constantly..

   I'm not sure who told bald guys they were required to have goatees, but they all fell for it.

   If Tiger Woods and Jesse James are back to dating already, then I don't see any reason why Michael Vick can't get another puppy.

   I watch truTV and CSI so much that I even wipe my fingerprints off the remote after I turn off the TV.

   I can let the fact that she owns a cat slide....as long as it's never been used as her profile pic.

   Football season is a lot like my se(x) life....except for I actually care when football season is coming.

   my phone automatically wants to check me into every bar we pass? I guess this think really is a smartphone

   Got a flannel shirt for the 9th Fathers Day in a row... Thanks honey, cant wait to see what you get me next year!

   ..that WINNING but than instant LOSER feeling you get when a girl sends you a sexy pic, and you look at the message details only to find that their are 9 other numbers above yours...awkward...

   whats the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered womens shelter? The dishes if she knows what good for her!

   the fact that I can order Domino's in my underwear without leaving my bed has proven how far technology has really came.... and how fuc%in' lazy I have also became.