chris Funny Status Messages

   It should be against the rules to post anything depressing on Facebook. Shout out to a deceased relative, ok. But no one cares if your goldfish is sick and you hate your life. I dont even care if my goldfish is sick.

   The sign says "Smoke Free" That's Good.. I hate the places that charge you to smoke!!!

   Whoever keeps shaking the snowglobe.... "STOP!"

   The closest I am to having any "Swag" is the Old Spice Swagger deodorant, sitting in my bathroom cabinet.

   Tone Loc arrested for domestic violence, he shouldn't of drank that Funky Cold Medina!

   That cat had more yards the. Jason Witten 🤪❤️

   I just recieved my "Magic Jack" as seen on TV. It's important to listen and pay attention. Evidently this "Magic Jack" is some phone/internet crap!

   you know we're getting lazy as people when you see "ready in 5 minutes" and you roll your eyes

   Lebron needs to start asking himself WWJD ( what would Jordan Do?)

   Loves getting the mail at 3:30 in the afternoon. If my postman were any lazier I'd say he was Puerto Rican

   I think as many hours as I put in I should be able to put fantasy football team owner on my resume

   If you love cats adopt one. If you hate cats support the Chinese cuisine.

   I don't know what makes my friend more a loser the fact that I found a Rihanna's cd in his car or the fact that he always likes his own facebook status.

   was looking through my wallet and found the condom I had in there has a hole poked in it...touche gas station attendant

   Anyone wonder why Internet explorer 9 has commercials? When it comes with every computer anyway, and its free to download?

   Earthquake- 1 ......my pants- 0 .....who knew that the earthquake would cause a mudslide.........

   If cars really exploded as easily as they do in movie's, I wouldn't have made it hope from the delivery room.