Zubindalal1 Funny Status Messages

   My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension. She said she just couldn't take it any longer.

   I installed a clapper in my bedroom last week so that I can turn my lights on and off by just lying in bed clapping my hands. I never really thought that one through... Every time I have a wank my room becomes like a nightclub with strobe lighting.

   Beauty of Vodka:It looks lik Water!! Beauty of School:Water Bottles are Allowed Irony of Life:We didn't Realize This During Our School Days.

   "Don't you play stupid with me!" shouted my wife. "Why would I play something I have no chance of winning?" I replied.

   I can't even explain how my blow up doll makes me feel before sex. She really takes my breath away.

   I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.

   Michael Jackson didn't die. He simply completed his course of plastic surgery in 2009, turned into a young gay white boy & renamed himself Justin Bieber...

   My c**k was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records once. But it really pissed off the librarian and she kicked me out.

   Girls at parties are like parking spaces, if you're late all the good ones are gone, So when nobody's looking you stick it in the disabled one....

   A wife tattooed "I LOVE U" on her nipples and showed it to her husband. He replied: "This is ur old habit of Putting Words Into My Mouth! "

   What's the difference between a joke and three c**ks? The girl we met last night couldn't take a joke.

   Alien 1: “Did the humans get our message?” Alien 2: “Yeah, but they named it dubstep and dance to it.”

   Mr Tickle wanted to marry the girl of his dreams. However, Tess was reluctant to take on his surname.

   Boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled 'LSD'?" Granny replies, "Bugger the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

   I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

   A cure has been found for homosexuality. Lip balm - you rub it on your arsehole and it keeps the chaps away.

   A little boy asks his dad, "Is it possible to get AIDS from a public toilet seat?" His dad replies, "Only if you sit down before the other guy stands up!"

   After one too many remarks about her weight, my wife went berserk. She screamed, "If you keep up with these fat jokes, you'll drive me to suicide!" "Well I'd have to, you wouldn't walk would you?" I replied.

   Finished I couldn't believe it when my wife demanded sex the other night just before the start of the 100 meter's final but I have to say, I was pleased with my performance.I finished before Bolt.

   President Obama said 1992's dream team was better than this year's Olympic basketball team. Which is interesting because a lot of people think 1992's president is better than this year's president