Missy Funny Status Messages

   Dear Mr Sandman ~ I think you lost my Address!

   Our society views heroine and alcohol overdose as a tragic accident, I call that suicide accomplished...

   Don't get confused between my personality & my attitude. My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are

   Laxatives are the best cough suppressant.

   Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out

   Said to herself "Self", and I knew it was me cause I recongized my own voice & was wearing my underwear "you should really make me another rum & coke"!

   Raisin Cookies that look like Chocolate Chip Cookies is the reason why I have trust issues

   You had better look like your profile picture or your buying me drinks till you do!

   Just saw an ad on my homepage that read, "Like Writing About Beards? Search For Careers Now!" - because if there's one thing we're really lacking right now, it's freelance beard writers.

   Patience is not a virtue! Its a gift. I'm not gifted!

   S.I.N.G.L.E. = (S)tress (I)s (N)ow (G)one (L)ife's (E)asier

   torn between the options of a two hour walk or a two hour bath...

   "WANTED" - Meaningful Overnight Relationship, please inbox for details......

   you know....I like my men like my Rum: Gone in the morning....

   A guy fills his Blow-up doll with Helium by accident. Now the b*tch is playing hard to get

   Got fired from my job as a bingo caller... apparently "A meal for two with a terrible view" was a pathetic way to announce the number 69.

   Todays forcast is sarcastic with a 60% chance of STFU!! Now to Bob with sports....

   "I just want to sit on your Face" ~ is that being to forward?

   Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes sex drive by 95% - it's called Wedding Cake

   uuuggg one of these days I would like to wake up independantly wealthy so I can go back to bed!