M.A.C. Funny Status Messages

   NEVER trust a leprechaun who tells you that you can rub off a little “luck of the Irish”….the only happy ending will be his…..

   I've come to realize that there is not much difference between paying for an evening out, and just leaving the money on the nightstand...unless you're hungry of course...

   Ambiguity Awareness….It's not what you think….

   saw a guy give a homeless man a coffee....Great! Now he is alert and fully aware of his surroundings...the street, the alley, his shopping cart...

   with the current state of relationships these days, I think the Grim Reaper should take Cupid's spot...just seems more realistic to me....

   Dear Oil Companies…at least have the common courtesy to offer a reach around when I pump…Fu@k You Very Much…

   you ever had that one friend that you don't like to eat with, cause they chew their food like their mad at it?!?

   Dear REALLY Cool Car Owner, Seems your car felt the need to take 2 parking spots today…I read once that this is caused by a lack of social skills, so that is why I dinged it up a bit, and left this message via key…just trying to help it ‘fit in'�

   When the hell did my delusions of grandeur, turn into delusions of adequacy?!?

   Thank You Kellogg's® Crunchy Nut™ cereal for the great slogan “It's morning somewhere”…Now, when I have afternoon or evening wood for no apparent reason, I have an answer….

   going to call you a half-wit, but I didn't want to tell a half-truth...

   sometimes I whistle while I work....but most of the time I facebook...

   Sometimes I like to press ‘2' for spanish….and scream, “LA MIGRA!!!! RUN FOR THE TUNNELS!!!!!”

   Strategies' are like women…some come quickly…some take some work…and some can have multiple outcomes…However, sometimes it is best to take matters into your own hands…

   I've always wonder who came up with the phrase "sh!ts and giggles", because the two have always been mutually exclusive for me....

   Women are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get...so you should sample them all...maybe eat a few too...

   I'm your friend, and that's why I think I should tell you that your hair, in your new profile pic, says sexual predator all over it…

   My neighbors keep listening to the same song over and over again…..whether they like it or not…..

   [This status has been removed for violating thought processes]

   I've decided to give up fluorescent lighting for lent...oh, and chairs...maybe I'll throw in desks too, along with office cubicles and work phones...hope my boss understands my religious beliefs...