Leeferd Funny Status Messages

   If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?

   You can make the same drive 100's of times but a good dense fog makes it feel like a totally new experience.

   Some days I just feel like the token black guy.

   Guys with phone holsters surely would have been gunned down quickly in the old west.

   The heat doesn't seem so bad when you think how hot it must be for the cook who just dripped sweat in your lunch.

   always beats Edward Scissorhands in rock-paper-scissors.

   You know you're getting old when you no longer buy cereal for the prize but for the fiber content.

   not a stalker, I'm just bad with goodbyes.

   People never say, "Boy that was sure a great Ben Affleck movie".

   Today's word of advice: Never take a muscle relaxer if you've got the trots.

   Woke up naked in a Quick Lube. I'm on the lift. No sign of my car. This can't be good.

   madder than a midget without a show on TLC.

   "This Cold Medicine Lasts 8 Hours" is the "I Promise I'll Pull Out, Baby" of the pharmaceutical industry.

   I've gotta come clean. That's why I masturbate with Purell®.

   There is a difference between a porn stash and a porn 'stache.

   I wonder if the band that recorded the Saved By The Bell theme ever gets together once in a while just to jam.

   Why is it you never crave Chick-Fil-A until it's Sunday...the one day they're NOT open?

   If fire escapes were replaced with waterslides people would use them a lot more.

   The way my luck runs, if I were hanging on to the side of a cliff for dear life, the person reaching down to pull me up would be a leper.

   Does PETA think all animals die a natural death, with hospice care, surrounded by family keeping vigil until passing quietly into the night?