Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   Dear McDonalds, Just to let you know, the first 60 seconds I obtain my French Fries they are like a box of fried deliciousness. However, after 61 seconds, they suddenly turn into rubber sticks of sh!t. Work on that

   Possible slogan for inferior Tampon Co. "We're not number one, but we're still up there!".

   To anyone who would risk their lives for their country foreign or domestic, I tip my hat to you.

   Just watched the movie Scarface. I'm not one to judge, but if you use your entire hand to make the line you might have a drug problem.

   What do you call a rooster with erectile dysfunction? Boneless chicken

   Somewhere over the US, there's a drone flying on autopilot.

   Brrr, today is a good day to double-up on the underwear.

   Right now in houses across the Nation, parents are trying to explain to their kids where their college funds went.

   I find it hard to sing the Beach Boys without using my "girl" voice.

   When you accidentally like a stranger's picture as you scroll on your smart phone.#stalkerfail

   Why is it that I have to recite the entire alphabet to remember where one letter is?

   You know I'm a Duke boys fan..but how is it Luke always knows short cuts that Bo doesn't? They're always in the car together!!

   Forecast tonight: Dark

   If you're a thug driving a luxury SUV fully customized, don't be surprised when I question the legitimacy of your income.

   This status, is guaranteed not to be on an E Card

   Dear Skoal Tobacco Co: Can you please come up with a pouch with a 50/50 mix of tobacco and coffee grounds? Thanks

   I would say that if my coworkers were picking on me they're leaving someone else alone, but these guys are multi-taskers.

   Women, don't get a tattoo. That butterfly looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty, but when you get to seventy, it stretches into a condor.

   Just discovered: A cup of noodles consists of two noodles, a half mile long.

   True friends stab you in the front!