DJJackson Funny Status Messages

   Looks like I’m going to have to buy toilet paper. That brush next to the toilet hurts.

   From Cairo, Egypt: The government has instructed all city cab drivers to sound their horns while driving through the city. It's hoped that a return of familiar city sounds will help restore calm due to the pandemic. Operation Toot N Calm Em will last abou

   I went to KFC yesterday and when I was done licking my fingers, I offered to lick other peoples fingers. Long story short. I need bail money.

   I ate too much salad over the weekend so I'm going on an Oreo cleanse today.

   Took my car into the mechanic. It was making a horrible high-pitched squeal. He said it was coming from the the Mariah Carey Christmas CD.

   From Cairo, Egypt: The government has instructed all city cab drivers to sound their horns while driving through the city. It's hoped that a return of familiar city sounds will help restore calm due to Corona. Operation Toot N Calm Em will last a week.

   The season is upon us and I personally enjoy a nice port wine for dessert. However sometimes a starboard wine is the right choice.

   Tiger Kings, Joe Exotic will never sing Christmas songs cause he hates carols.

   Jesus walks into a bar: Orders 12 waters... Winks at disciples....

   I found a 129.00 Kylie Minogue concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it. You never know when you might need a nail.

   Anyone know how to get a club soda stain out?

   Why do ballerinas always stand on their toes? They should hire taller ballerinas...