Cj Funny Status Messages

   I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, "Did you know it's time for your annual check-up?" No, but now my mailman does.

   Do you know why Californians love Thanksgiving Day?...It's the only time of year they get to see natural breast!

   If Tylenol, duct tape and a band-aid can't fix it...you've got serious problems.

   I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay, the mice throw themselves on the traps.

   No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her $hit.

   I hate it when you look in a car window to fix ur hair.. after standing there for 5 minutes... you see someone in the car...

   My relationship status just changed to sweatpants oreos and netflix!

   Have you noticed each generation is getting ruder and shorter?

   Some open minds should be closed for repairs.

   Think about this. Somebody in the world right now couldn't imagine life without you. That alone should give you the strength to smile.

   BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

   Guess who just discovered the bipolar emoticon? :):

   Rhinos are really just old, fat unicorns. Don't argue. you know i'm right.

   Condoms Prevent Minivans!!

   Based on my wardrobe, dog hair is my favorite color:)

   When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should've listened the first time

   Losing friends and alienating people, one day at a time!

   It's time for my weekly game of, "Let's see how long I can drive with my gas light on."

   Toy Story must have been written by a woman. Who else would name their toys Woody and Buzz!!

   Today........"WORK" is a 4 letter word!!