Abraham lincoln Funny Status Messages

   Happy Birthday to the Greatest Invention you don't appreciate enough unless you don't have it! On this day 110yrs ago Dr. Kerry invented the Air Conditioner!!!

   It is a scientific fact that the gravatational pull of a woman's cleavage on a man's eyes is too strong to be fought!!!

   I have no respect for today's gangs! They just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days, like in ''West Side Story'', the gangs used to dance with eachother first!!

   Please be patient! Even a toilet can only handle one A$$hole at a time!!!

   Yes, that's correct!.....And the Horse you rode in on!!

   If a guys says ''I can't feel anything wearing trhis condom!'' Ask him if he can feel you sucking the money out of his paycheck for trhe next 18 years!!!''

   How is ''Doable'' anything but a compliment!!!

   I took my Cat and her six kittens to the Vet to get them spayed and neutered! The Vet asked ''Is the momma cat friendly?'' I said ''Well....Duh, How do you think we got in this mess in the first place!!!''

   Never in my life have I ever seen someone so excited to take a sh!t!----Those Bears in the Charmin commercial

   Just remember whatever you put up with you end up with!

   I'm always on my ''Best'' Behaviour...It just so happens my Best Behaviour isn't very good!!

   California announced that Marijuana Dispensaries will be closing! Do they realize the dramatic impact this will have on the economy. Sales of Funyons, 7-11 Burritos, Visine, and all other junk food are going to plummet!!!

   Thankyou for calling Comcast America's #1 Cable Co. My name is Habib Akmed Musaffa Akmed Habib, How may I mis-understand you today?!!!

   Well I had close call lastnight! This girl I picked up at the bar, drove me back to her place. She looked like a lady, walked like a lady, even talked like a lady! But when she whipped into that parking spot perfectly.....I was like hold on somethings up!

   You know you're broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!!!

   Bruce Willis is working on the 5th Die Hard movie! They should call this one ''Just kill me already!!!''

   ''Hey, How was your Blind date?'' ''Terrible! He showed up in a 1932 Rolls Royce!''......''What's so terrible about that?''.....''He was the original owner!!!''

   A person automatically becomes ten times more attractive when you find out they like you!!!

   The key to a long and good relationship is to keep the fights clean, and the sex dirty!!!

   How about instead of flirting and carrying on a conversation under my status that has nothing to do with it's original topic, you try using the chat window, the poke button, or maybe even do it the old fashioned way! Call the B!tch!!!