AZ Funny Status Messages

   Tip of the day # Never accept an invitation to go hunting with cannibals. You may be Plan B.

   If guys could get pregnant there would be an abortion clinic on every corner and plan B would come in variety flavor packs

   I went to an orphanage and not a single orphan was singing. I assume that's why they're still there.

   "40 is the new 20!" - math teacher who's about to be fired

   Cryogenically freeze yourself until they discover a cure for male pattern baldness.

   Time moves forward, things change. It can be hard. On the upside, there'll be way less dudes wearing the jacket from Drive this Halloween.

   First they came for the communists and I didn't speak out. Since then everything's been pretty good, plus no communists!

   Death defying. Pffftt. This is my 21,205th consecutive day of defying death.

   Don't eat glass. Trust me on this one

   Francis Bean is 21 years old. Sleep on that, universe.

   On a cold night, to make a campfire, all you need is a match, kerosine, and a baby.