Stevielea Funny Status Messages
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My grandpa was so competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last, he said,
"Staring contest......GO".
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11-27-2018 11:17 by Stevielea
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Next time you visit someone with Alexa.
"Alexa set 3am alarm with horror movie sounds."
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02-12-2019 05:17 by Stevielea
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An average person farts 13 times a day......... finally!! I'm above average at something.
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09-14-2018 07:03 by Stevielea
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What do I remember about the midget
that attacked me.
Very little.
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08-19-2018 05:23 by Stevielea
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If I've learned anything in my 23 years on earth, it's that it's okay to lie about your age.
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09-25-2018 13:29 by Stevielea
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"Just because she weighed as much as 2 people, that doesn't mean you had a threesome."
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08-31-2018 12:58 by Stevielea
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I didn't go to the gym today,....but the cashier's name at Macdonald's was Jim...sooo same thing.
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09-04-2018 13:55 by Stevielea
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Now if you will excuse me, today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
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08-22-2018 18:42 by Stevielea
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I'm afraid if I start working out, I'll be too sexy.
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09-09-2018 03:18 by Stevielea
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ATTENTION!!! Heavy rain is on the forecast this week, please use permanent markers for your eyebrows.
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09-23-2018 13:05 by Stevielea
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FOUR STAGES OF A MANS LIFE :
1. You believe in santa.
2. You don't believe in santa.
3. You are santa.
4. You look like santa.
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12-14-2018 16:23 by Stevielea
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Keep the earth clean! It isn't Uranus!
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09-04-2018 03:10 by Stevielea
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My friend hates it when I put his chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers.
He gets his snickers in a twix.
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11-27-2018 11:31 by Stevielea
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Having a child is like having a little broke ass best friend!
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10-17-2018 13:37 by Stevielea
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"you da bomb" - " No you da bomb" In America - a compliment.
In the middle East - an argument.
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01-21-2019 11:30 by Stevielea
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He wiped away her tears and accidentally her eyebrows too!
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09-17-2018 17:49 by Stevielea
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Saw a middle-eastern friend shaking a carpet on 6th floor balcony. I called out "what's wrong ahmed, won't it start."
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08-27-2018 17:53 by Stevielea
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Trick your friends into thinking you are a professional tennis player By wiping your face with a towel every 30 seconds And throwing it at a child.
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08-20-2018 07:35 by Stevielea
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Gas prices are so expensive...it would be cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere!
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08-27-2018 05:42 by Stevielea
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If I'm ever on life support, unplug me..... then plug me back in. See if that works.
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09-21-2018 11:17 by Stevielea
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