SEAN Funny Status Messages
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What if they keep the name Redskins, but change the mascot to a potato....
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10-16-2013 10:04 by SEAN
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Golf ball sized hail wouldn't be so destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.Do I have to think of everything?!
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05-25-2012 10:38 by SEAN
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Divorce---When being wrong every day for being alive isn't working for you.
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01-16-2015 08:33 by SEAN
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McDonald's being the official restaurant of the Olympics is like smoking being the official medicine of cancer.
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06-04-2012 17:03 by SEAN
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I hate when people see me at the super market & the're like "Hey what you doing here?" & I'm just like "Oh you know hunting zebras"
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09-20-2011 10:18 by SEAN
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I put suicide notes next to roadkill so their animal families have some closure.
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06-13-2012 08:40 by SEAN
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When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation of chocolate covered toothpaste.
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12-15-2011 09:23 by SEAN
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A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
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09-27-2014 15:34 by SEAN
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Backseat drivers are the worst. They're always like "the light is red!" and "don't text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"
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01-16-2015 08:31 by SEAN
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The hardest part of gift buying is convincing yourself you don't deserve the gift more than the person you're buying it for.
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05-06-2013 14:03 by SEAN
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Every time I use a public bathroom, one thought occurs..."Seriously? This many people have Sharpies on them at all times?"
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02-08-2012 15:26 by SEAN
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Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas.
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07-15-2015 15:55 by SEAN
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When I said make yourself at home I meant go wash my dishes.
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01-22-2015 11:18 by SEAN
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I'll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where's my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I'm here! Under your jacket!"
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01-30-2012 10:33 by SEAN
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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
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03-05-2012 17:21 by SEAN
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Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can't get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
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09-27-2014 15:40 by SEAN
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Hey, don't wear skinny jeans if you have a big head. You look like a Pez dispenser.
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06-04-2012 16:54 by SEAN
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If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. #fail
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02-17-2012 09:21 by SEAN
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How in the world did Bill & Hillary Clinton avoid the celebrity nickname HillBilly? WE DROPPED THE BALL AMERICA.
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03-19-2012 17:44 by SEAN
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I'll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn't just put the dots in shape of the actual letters.
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01-30-2012 12:10 by SEAN
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