Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
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01-07-2023 12:58
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We often clean our homes when people are coming over so we can maintain the façade of a clean house that we’ve seen from going to other people’s homes who clean their house to maintain the façade of having a clean house.
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01-13-2023 02:23
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If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to laugh about when you’re old.
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01-10-2023 02:36
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Child: I learned a joke at school. Me: Okay, let’s hear it. Child: What goes in stiff, but comes out soft? Me: Child: Me: Child: Me: Is it a- Wife comes running in from another room: IT’S SPAGHETTI! SPAGHETTI!
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01-13-2023 02:20
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One way to be hospitable, is to help visitors know when it’s time to leave.
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01-19-2023 02:19
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You don’t lose friends. You lose undercover haters. Real friends can never be lost.
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01-07-2023 15:00
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My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.
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01-09-2023 03:08
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In honor of the winter solstice I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.
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01-19-2023 02:05
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Tommy Lee Jones ~ always has a look on his face, like his son just told him that he wants to ride unicycles professionally.
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01-19-2023 02:22
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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have now started asking humans to prove they are not a robot.
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05-18-2022 21:14
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My favorite part of winter is when it’s over.
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01-06-2023 01:02
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My fitness trainer asked what kind of squats I’m accustomed to doing. I said, Diddly.
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01-08-2023 01:07
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Humans: Dear God, please let 2023 be a good one…. God: You guys are still alive?
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01-09-2023 03:18
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Someone should’ve tried domesticating bears 10,000 years ago. We really missed the mark with that one. Could be cuddled up with a bear right about now, but whatever.
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01-09-2023 03:40
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Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.
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01-09-2023 03:32
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May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
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01-04-2023 02:43
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I like staying home, because as soon as I step outside, I spend $100.00
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01-08-2023 01:35
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According to my chocolate calendar, there are only three days left until Valentine’s Day.
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01-04-2023 02:41
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I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
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01-19-2023 04:05
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You can put whatever you want on a “to do” list, there are no rules. I put wake up and drink coffee on mine. Already knocked two things off my list and it’s not even lunch time yet. God, I’m good.
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01-10-2023 02:42
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