Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When today’s safety meeting is about what you did yesterday.
←Rate | 06-30-2022 01:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a man says he’ll do anything for a woman, he means fight bad guys and slay dragons, not dishes and vacuuming.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once you carry your own water, you’ll learn the value of every single drop.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quiz question: Would you rather be stuck on an island all alone or with someone you hate, and why? Answer: I would rather be stuck on an island with someone I hate, so I would have something to eat.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most folks keep their trap shut when they’ve nothing interesting to say. Not you, your flipper flaps like the national deficit.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A mistake that makes you humble is better than an achievement that makes you arrogant.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop bringing crappy Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came out into the woods to hear Katy Perry.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 13:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Using your turn signal is not “giving information to the enemy.”
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two kinds of people: Those who do whatever they’re told, no matter what. And, people who will do what is right, no matter what they are told. 😉
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m going to need some of you guys to start getting weirder, I cannot keep pulling all the weight like this. 😏
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy taken. Happiness comes from food, not relationships.
←Rate | 04-11-2022 02:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alien: I found this, (picks up cat) it’s vibrating.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 00:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 15:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My emotional support dog after spending a day with me. Dog: Drinks a 5th of vodka and chain-smokes non-filter cigarettes.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twitter files released. MSM: “What files? ~ Space Man Bad”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 16:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yeah, you’re made of star stuff, but so is garbage, so calm down.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder if the skulls of your enemies are dishwasher safe. Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part of winter is when it’s over.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:02 Comments (0)  




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