Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I fear that one day, I’ll see one of my jokes marked as “Exhibit A.”
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How to escape the matrix: Step one, turn off your television.
←Rate | 06-11-2022 01:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hangovers are temporary. Drunk stories are forever.
←Rate | 06-11-2022 01:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: You’re so childish, I’m leaving you. Him: Good luck with that, the floor is lava.
←Rate | 06-15-2022 01:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If we had just let them eat Tide Pods, none of this dumb stuff would be happening right now.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear autocorrect: It’s never “duck.”
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Him: you are my drug. Her: aww… you can’t live without me? Him: No, you’re expensive and you ruin my life.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 20:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guy 1: How do you like my secret fishing spot? Guy 2: It’s really cool, not even the fish know about it.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you can’t hide a crime scene, just pretend you’re a victim.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How would you describe college? I’m teaching myself a class that I’m paying for.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I should be ashamed of my behavior, but to be clear, I am not.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How to prepare tofu. Step one: throw it in the trash. Step two: grill some meat.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: Wtf? You barely lasted two minutes! Him: It was “Doggy Style.” So that’s like 14 minutes.
←Rate | 06-15-2022 01:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 16 Psyche is one of the most massive asteroids in the asteroid belt. It’s made of materials like gold, platinum and nickel. It’s value is estimated to be around 700 quintillion USD.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 06:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life’s greatest tragedy is that we grow old too soon, and wise too late.
←Rate | 06-13-2022 02:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m in BIG trouble if people find out I don’t really have Tourette’s.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your voice held no power, they wouldn’t try to silence you.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Deleting history has become more important than making it.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 05:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon T-Rex shares gender reveal party with friends, Yucatan Peninsula 66 million years ago.
←Rate | 05-25-2022 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some of you have never heard the story of the “Little Engine that Could,” and it shows.
←Rate | 05-28-2022 01:37 by Lilly_69 Comments (0)  

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