santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I'm saying this before the 12th day of Christmas even arrives. I'm keeping the 8 maids a milking and the 9 ladies dancing. That's it Everything else is going back to Walmart.
←Rate | 12-23-2019 01:05 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I could easily do all my Christmas shopping at the Cracker Barrel gift shop.
←Rate | 12-21-2019 11:51 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  

   messageicon Still looking for the Christmas presents I hid last year.
←Rate | 12-20-2019 06:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite Christmas song is whichever one comes on right after Feliz Navidad.
←Rate | 12-19-2019 19:59 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I put in an URGENT REQUEST to Santa last night for a mirror so you can locate that STICK that's UP YOUR @$S and REMOVE IT!!
←Rate | 12-19-2019 19:36 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bought some pre-tangled Christmas lights to save some time this year.
←Rate | 12-19-2019 07:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Please allow children to believe in Santa. You believe in essential oils and no one is ruining it for you.
←Rate | 12-19-2019 04:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fyi: Do not drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm gonna need that back.
←Rate | 12-18-2019 14:34 by ZumbaDi Comments (0)  

   messageicon Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the bells.
←Rate | 12-17-2019 14:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Opened a Christmas card today and rice fell out....Must have been fro Uncle Ben.
←Rate | 12-17-2019 07:14 by BBB Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Mark Zuckerberg, All I want for Christmas this year is fonts.
←Rate | 12-16-2019 16:26 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Santa: I can't wait for the cookies I'm gonna get in Colorado.
←Rate | 12-16-2019 16:13 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Christmas is really kind of weird. “Let’s all sit around a dead tree in the living room and eat candy out of our socks”
←Rate | 12-16-2019 07:54 by Rickster Comments (0)  

   messageicon Untangling Christmas lights is the closest my wife and I have ever gotten to S&M.
←Rate | 12-16-2019 06:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas Tree by the lines of tape wrapped around the box it's stored in.
←Rate | 12-15-2019 19:17 by MiMisHouse Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas needs to be less commercialized so remember whose birthday it is.
←Rate | 12-15-2019 11:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Is it to early to break my new year's resolution or should I wait until after Christmas?
←Rate | 12-14-2019 11:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember children, the best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
←Rate | 12-14-2019 10:08 by MiMisHouse Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whelp I've finely reached the forth stage in life when at first as a kid I believed in Santa, then I didn't believe in Santa, then I dressed up like Santa, and now I am Santa.
←Rate | 12-14-2019 10:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We went to buy a Christmas tree last night. It's supposed to be fun, right? At the end of the night I was so crazy I put the tree in the backseat of the car and strapped my kid to the roof.
←Rate | 12-13-2019 06:59 Comments (0)  

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