aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon "This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
←Rate | 03-26-2016 14:36 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1990: call me on the new line in my room 2000: call me on my mobile flip phone 2015: don't call me
←Rate | 03-26-2016 14:34 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing's says I'm guilty of every crime imaginable quite like using your blinker to pull into your driveway...
←Rate | 03-23-2016 20:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some humans believe that escalators have special powers that suck all moving abilities from their legs as soon as their feet touch one.
←Rate | 02-19-2016 22:06 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Everything the light touches is ours," I tell my son while opening the fridge.
←Rate | 01-07-2016 21:47 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If hearing “I love you” was enough, we’d all buy parrots and live happily ever after.
←Rate | 01-02-2016 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
←Rate | 01-02-2016 18:42 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon [dogs around campfire] *flashlight on face* and when I came back without the ball it was in his hand the whole time
←Rate | 01-02-2016 14:02 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Commercials: Now brought to you with limited football interruption.
←Rate | 01-02-2016 14:00 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't get it. Heard the phrase "keep your friends clothes & keep your enemies clothes, sir". Now I have a bunch of naked people angry at me.
←Rate | 01-01-2016 12:56 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry, guys. Totally forgot to write any New Years jokes. I really dropped the ball.
←Rate | 12-31-2015 15:56 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realized I'd been invited to an autopsy.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 10:13 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Update the force, Luke" Adobe Wan Kenobi
←Rate | 12-26-2015 10:12 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas. It's been a long 2 1/2 months.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 10:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you just have to let the anger guide you.
←Rate | 12-24-2015 22:03 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please stop adding noises to your songs that sound like maybe something is wrong with my car.
←Rate | 12-24-2015 22:02 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon While at self check out... "Do I get an employee discount, now?"
←Rate | 12-20-2015 17:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you take a trip around the world and calculate the different time zones just right, you can pick yourself up from the airport
←Rate | 11-01-2015 08:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon He walked across the parking area explaining, “I’m going through a lot”
←Rate | 11-01-2015 08:03 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare
←Rate | 11-01-2015 08:02 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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