Y.P Funny Status Messages

   - So what if I can't spell armaggedon?..... It's not the end of the world. .....

   If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it's either a new woman - or a new car. ....

   -- I've just invented a wireless, battery-free, hand operated hair-dryer.....I'm calling it a 'Towel'. .....

   -- Magazine collectors, they have a lot of issues....

   -- If pubs don't serve really drunk people why do Mcdonalds serve really fat people?

   -- I come from a long line of Conga dancers.....

   Wife came home from shopping, I asked her why she had to spend over £100 on makeup. She replied "It's so I can look pretty, why do you have to waste so much money on beer". I told her it was to make her look pretty. Had to sleep on the sofa that night.

   My girlfriend has a cracking body. .... I think it's eczema.

   My wife said to me, "I'm fed up with you being so lazy, pack your bags and leave." I said, "You pack them."

   Your mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed just to measure how long she slept.

   --- I hate farmers, the're always spreading sh*t

   I'm fed up of people challenging my ethics and saying I don't do enough to better the world. Even my coat is recycled, It used to be a leopard

   • I've just been told that the invisible man and a ghost are going to have a fight... But I just can't see that happening.

   - My mates were arguing over whether a glass was half empty or half full. So I took the glass and put the contents into a smaller glass. Problem f***ing solved...

   First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door. Funny sense of humour my plumber has...

   What do you get if you eat a Blackberry ? ... A Bluetooth.....

   Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in....

   I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.....

   My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...

   Feels sorry for skinny people, I know this girl who is so skinny that she has to run around in the shower just to get wet....