M.A.C. Funny Status Messages

   does anyone know where I am right now? Seriously...bring asprin if you do...

   If I had to do it all over again, I'd have studied in school...OR tucked it like lady gaga and snorted everything like charlie sheen...society makes the ladder more appealing....

   If I ever become epileptic, I'm going to get a tattoo that reads Carpe Diem....for the irony....

   just heard that Lady Gaga will top her last performance by rebirthing....Special Guest: Octomom...

   I've decided to give up fluorescent lighting for lent...oh, and chairs...maybe I'll throw in desks too, along with office cubicles and work phones...hope my boss understands my religious beliefs...

   I'd be more willing to join Farmville if they let me grow weed, and sell it to Mafia Wars...

   I want to wish all the women out there a Happy International Woman's Day!! I plan on celebrating it by giving money to Charity...and Candy...and Mercedes...and the other one usually on stage 4...

   My neighbors keep listening to the same song over and over again…..whether they like it or not…..

   my manly shoulders will be here for you to cry on, as soon as your husband admit's he's gay....

   Ambiguity Awareness….It's not what you think….

   you ever have a conversation with someone and think...If only your family tree had a few more branches, this conversation wouldn't be so painful...

   when work feels overwhelming, I just reassure myself that I will die someday....

   just had to separate 5 loads of laundry....and they will just have to sit there and think about what they've done....then and only then will I deal with them....

   will you be my 'open the door, take off my clothes, help me to bed, and scooch the trashcan close' ...friend?

   speedwalks everywhere, and is afraid of toilets…the two are not related...really...

   Jesus take the wheel...I'm tired...and I want to finish that dream you had issues with....

   Anyone else think Charlie Sheen snorted the fine line between recreational use and addiction?

   I'd like you more if facebook didn't update me on all your stupid thoughts……I said to myself….

   just realized how valuable photoshop can be...when you need to pin something on your boss...like a donkey…for blackmail…

   Kudos on the shaved balls, but try longer gym shorts next time….