Dani Funny Status Messages

   Do you think you could drive better if I shoved that cell phone up your @ss? Talk or Drive... PICK ONE!!

   Why do men get lost while out driving? Because don't have a woman sitting beside them telling them where to go and how to get there!

   Women like silent men... they think they're listening!

   He told me he doesn't have a beer gut...but it is just a protective covering for his rock hard abs!!

   I've learned that no matter how much I try... how much I care... or how much I do...... some people are just @ssholes!

   According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful!

   I know a million ways to always pick the wrong thing to say! Hey... I'm multi-talented!! I can talk and piss you off at the same time!

   Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

   I'm not drunk, all right. I just have a speech impediment ... and a stomach virus ... and an inner ear infection.

   With everything going on lately... I've got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!

   When you have an enemy mad at you...they will break your bones. But if you have a friend mad at you.... they will break your heart!!

   The harder you fall..... the higher you bounce!!

   I may be driving slowly... but I am still ahead of you!!!

   If a man says something in the woods and there is no woman there to hear him.... is he still wrong?!

   Never mess up an apology with an excuse!

   My favorite mythical creature is the Honest Politician!!

   I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent... twisted... gyrated... jumped up and down... and perspired for a half an hour. But by the time I got my tights on.... the class was over!

   Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What's your name?!

   You're not yourself today... I noticed the improvement immediately!!

   Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!