@UncleBSolomon Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
←Rate | 06-24-2017 09:42 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (2)  

   messageicon Fun Fact: All the toilet paper in the NSA headquarters has the 4th Amendment printed on them.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 20:49 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (3)  

   messageicon Imagine: Naked in a room full of people who speak a different language & everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog. 🐕
←Rate | 06-17-2017 12:12 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish we lived in a better world. A world where I can order mozzarella sticks, and not get judged or quetioned when I ask them to put cheese on them
←Rate | 06-07-2017 10:28 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 19:30 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I'm keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
←Rate | 04-13-2017 18:59 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.
←Rate | 04-09-2017 23:52 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think I just saw the Mucinex family walking out of Wal-Mart.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 21:16 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon If anxiety was good for weight loss, I'd be back to my birth weight.
←Rate | 03-29-2017 20:56 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before I go out binge drinking I always eat a stick of butter. It doesn't do anything I just make really poor life choices.
←Rate | 03-29-2017 01:55 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been putting Root Beer in a square glass all evening. I'm still not drunk.
←Rate | 03-23-2017 07:58 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon The lights are dimmed. Sexy music plays. She runs her fingers across my scar. I whisper, "I got that when I fell off the toilet," .
←Rate | 03-22-2017 12:12 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  

   messageicon Spent 20 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
←Rate | 03-21-2017 11:42 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just pressed the Popcorn setting for defrosting on my microwave and it said "wrong button".
←Rate | 03-14-2017 10:27 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
←Rate | 03-13-2017 19:26 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm boycotting beauty & the beast because of a teenage girl falling in love with a buffalo 💡
←Rate | 03-07-2017 08:12 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told my wife I wanted a 72" TV, and the very idea made her so mad that for a second I thought I had mistakenly brought home a 72" TV.
←Rate | 02-26-2017 12:00 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Original Transgender: Titanic Captain: We're short on boats, women & children first. Guy1*coughs*: I identify as a woman. Guy2:I'm a woman too
←Rate | 02-24-2017 00:01 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon (Search History] 1. Do raccoons like to cuddle? 2. What does rabies smell like? 3. I can't feel my face.
←Rate | 02-22-2017 11:17 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
←Rate | 02-21-2017 21:09 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

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