Rickster Funny Status Messages

   I built my entire itch-cream business from scratch.

   You think it’s hard to train dogs? We can’t even get people to sit and stay

   Have I ever been in a stable relationship? I’m not into livestock, you sick twist. What’s wrong with you? Why did your mind even go there?

   Finland has closed its borders. Now no one can cross the Finnish line

   I want to lose weight but I don’t want to get caught up in one of those eat right and exercise scams

   I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer

   Quarantine tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any

   I know I’m paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?

   I really hate when people constantly need reassurance. You know what I mean?

   I asked my North Korean friend how it was there and he said "I can't complain"

   How come the same people who don’t trust the government telling us to stay home all of a sudden trust the government when they tell us it’s OK to go back?

   I'm just sitting here thinking about all of the people from high school that signed my yearbook that I have let down by not "staying cool"

   Taylor Swift and Adele are basically the same age. Mind blown!

   All our dogs think we are staying home every day just for them and all of our cats are thinking we got fired from our jobs because we are the losers they always knew we were

   You know, with my cats seeming enjoyment for cleaning themselves I’m not sure why they don’t have a cat food called Kibbles & Butts

   We have so much in common. You love to travel and I want you to go

   Pavlov is sitting in a bar and the phone rings. Suddenly he screams “Oh crap! I forgot to feed the dogs!“

   Locust swarms. Killer ninja murder hornets. Virus pandemics. You were complaining about Christmas music

   Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at a time

   Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of me to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps