Reznor Funny Status Messages

   I wasnt that drunk man. Dude you asked a bum if you could bum a cig.

   Thumbs up if you still kicking it old skool without the timeline........

   I told the monster in my closet that if he came out of the closet he would be gay. Problem solved! #Winning

   This drug sniffing dog was a great investment! He already found 2 bags of weed I thought I had lost!

   Ive saved a ton of money on Birthday Cards by switching to Facebook!

   1990: I like big butts and I can not lie! 2005: Booty, booty, booty, booty- rockin everywhere! 2011: Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass!

   These bathsalts sure do make me feel funny.....

   quit criticizing the girls that take slutty pics and put them on Facebook! I like looking at them you homo!

   OK if you really want me to watch soccer so be it. but for the life of me I don't understand why the counter counts up????

   When I go to Subway and a guy makes my sandwhich, it just doesnt taste the same...

   Well I failed my drivers test today. The instructor asked me what I do at Redlights, and I said, "Text and Facebook"

   When I meet people, I choose whether I like them solely based on if I think they would be fun to get drunk with.....

   Veni, vidi, vici- I came I saw I conquered ~~ Julius Caesar. Vidi, Vici, Veni - I saw, I conquered, I came! ~~ Some single dude

   Found the pot at the end of the rainbow and I smoked it........

   Well guess its time to do the dishes....... The kids are drinking their milk from shotglasses.

   Couldn't it have been a little cooler for National No Bra Day??

   You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!

   You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching your kids to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

   Today feels like a pull the fire alarm kinda day.

   Well it sounds like my girlfriend is upstairs reading "50 Shades of Grey" or she's been building up to sneeze for the last 10 minutes.