Me Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I disagree... It's going to be a Great Friday!
←Rate | 04-22-2011 09:44 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon seeing all these profile pics of old men in honor of Father's Day is giving me the creeps. My wall looks more like a list of sex offenders..
←Rate | 06-18-2011 13:25 by me Comments (1)  


   messageicon Sometimes my LOL just means, Lack-Of-Laughter
←Rate | 08-21-2011 16:50 by Me Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am a member of NSS( National Sarcastic Society).Our motto:"Like we Need your approval"
←Rate | 08-22-2011 05:14 by Me Comments (0)  


   messageicon So you saw my new boyfriend and ask me what happened to my standards? Well duh .. I raised them!!!
←Rate | 08-31-2011 19:35 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon told my girlfriend .. "if you ever want to try anal sex, I'll be behind you all the way"!!
←Rate | 09-04-2011 08:02 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the big deal about the Facebook changes? This is a free social media site you chose to use. Get over it or don't use it....seems simple to me
←Rate | 09-23-2011 07:10 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon Catholic." ... ... ... He says, "Yes, I'm single & Catholic!" The nun kisses the driver then asks why he is crying. I lied. I must confess I'm married & I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin & I'm going to a Halloween party!"
←Rate | 09-24-2011 20:04 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've finally figured out why they're called 'payslips'.... the 'pay' just 'slips' right through your fingers!!! :(
←Rate | 11-10-2011 18:17 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon im gassy while watching the news... imma go occupy the toilet
←Rate | 11-30-2011 12:26 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by a$$holes!
←Rate | 01-06-2012 22:28 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon you're not fat, you are just easy to see
←Rate | 01-06-2012 22:29 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon People think I'm quiet because I'm shy, but really I've been silently judging them from afar and determining that they're all phucking retards
←Rate | 01-06-2012 22:32 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon If ever you get sad, think of a T-Rex trying to masturbate
←Rate | 02-05-2012 04:49 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sign seen at Bank window: "We don't mind you talking on your cell phone as long as you don't mind us IGNORING YOU! Thank you so much!"
←Rate | 02-08-2012 04:32 by Me Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ryan Braun - way to beat the "guilty until proven innocent" rap!!
←Rate | 02-23-2012 22:20 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told my wife .. if she ever wanted to try anal sex, I'd be behind her all the way
←Rate | 08-10-2012 20:37 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when the guy seated next to me on the plane falls asleep and his azz starts to snore.
←Rate | 04-07-2013 07:11 by Me Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
←Rate | 04-13-2013 10:38 by Me Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early and I am too.
←Rate | 05-03-2013 15:06 by Me Comments (0)  




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