Joker Funny Status Messages

   They say one in a group of ten men is a ferry. So I think it's my buddy Steve in my group of friends..... He's really cute.

   The cemeteery has raised its burial cost. They're blaming the cost of living.

   You can tell the sex of an ant by tossing it in some water. If it sinks, it' a girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant.

   I started a support group for men with erectile dysfuntion. It was a flop and nobody came.

   How long do you have to be ignorant before you start experiencing bliss ?

   Got my ancestry DNA results back. It seems I related to Adam and Eve.

   My mother in-law is so ugly, even a boiling tea kettle won't give her a whistle.

   I don't rise and shine, the best I can do is get up and gripe.

   When I'm grilling a stake, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water. Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

   Silence is golden. Unless you have teenagers. Then it becomes suspicious.

   My mother inlaw standing in front of a mirror: "I feel fat and ugly." . Me to make her feel better: "Well at lease your eye sight is good."

   In this cold weather, it's hard to give people the finger when you're wearing mittens.

   Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

   Breast are proof that men can concentrate on two things at the same time.

   My boss just appointed me as his sex adviser. He said " When I want your fu*king advice, I'll ask for it."

   Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough, that's why we have two hands.

   The penalty for bigamy is having two mother in-laws.

   Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's day, then the side chick is you.

   The best part of Valentine's day, is the next days 50% off sale on the box chocolate candy.

   All this beer drinking I do gives me a hangover. It's really noticeable when I stand sideways.