David Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The first joint I hit I smoked behind Grandpa's barn. It made me dizzy, and I coughed a lot. "Don't worry, that always happens with the first hit," said Grandpa. "Try another hit." And you know, he was right!
←Rate | 09-22-2011 16:19 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon The strangest of all bipolar disorders and birth defects is an inability to see things my way...
←Rate | 09-22-2011 16:35 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend just told me she was going to break up with me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. but in the end it doesn't even matter
←Rate | 11-01-2011 12:48 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon with out me awesome would just be awes
←Rate | 11-30-2011 23:09 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon From now on every time I see a "for lease" sign, I will put a "navidad" sign under it
←Rate | 11-30-2011 23:31 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to try and say this te nicest way possible. wait I better hold my tounge when I say .... "FQ!"
←Rate | 12-13-2011 13:09 by david Comments (0)  


   messageicon whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously has never sold weed
←Rate | 01-31-2012 01:41 by david Comments (0)  


   messageicon I fractured my @ss today doing a cannonball into the bathtub today...
←Rate | 02-02-2012 23:00 by david Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whitney Houston died just hours after being asked be a judge on the next season of the X Factor. Personally I think she made the right decision.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 21:03 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I owe my right hand a Valentines Day card!
←Rate | 02-14-2012 13:49 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm alone my right hand starts to freak out..Im Sexy And I No It!
←Rate | 09-28-2012 04:42 by David Comments (2)  


   messageicon Subway is being sued for lying about length?!?!?....Not the first time length has been lied about!
←Rate | 01-25-2013 17:06 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think they should make Sarah Palin the new Pope. Cause she can see heaven from her back yard!
←Rate | 02-13-2013 00:42 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really hope the meteorite that crash in Russia doesn't affect the price of Vodka!...Cause I'll Go Mexican..Tequila!
←Rate | 02-16-2013 03:54 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have often regretted my speech, but never my silence...And silence is not a punishment, at times it was a gift...
←Rate | 02-21-2013 05:06 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon I make people guess the secret ingredients in my brownies.. hallucinating yet?
←Rate | 03-05-2013 10:09 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girls gone wild...Not the first time Bit@hes bankrupted a man..
←Rate | 03-05-2013 10:20 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Girls Gone Wild"....Just Sequestered President Obama..I Betcha!
←Rate | 03-05-2013 13:20 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to Nostradamus Prophecies, Politicians can resist a Nuclear Winter, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, a direct Meteor Impact, the Jehovah's Witnesses & Mormons. But not a Sequester!
←Rate | 03-05-2013 13:56 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please help me! The invisible spider-monkeys are trying to sequester me!
←Rate | 03-05-2013 14:18 by David Comments (0)  




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