Dani Funny Status Messages

   According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful!

   I've learned that no matter how much I try... how much I care... or how much I do...... some people are just @ssholes!

   He told me he doesn't have a beer gut...but it is just a protective covering for his rock hard abs!!

   Women like silent men... they think they're listening!

   Why do men get lost while out driving? Because don't have a woman sitting beside them telling them where to go and how to get there!

   Do you think you could drive better if I shoved that cell phone up your @ss? Talk or Drive... PICK ONE!!

   What makes you laugh... might surely make someone else laugh. And with laughter... comes smiles... and with smiles... comes happiness! It can be that simple!

   Watch what you say to me today... because it will be recorded and played back for you tomorrow!

   If you ever need anything... call someone else first. If they aren't able to help you... then try calling someone else!

   My hubby is on suicide watch ... All because I reminded him that we vowed to be together 'Til Death do us part'!

   I think less people would tempted to use an "Out of Order" Toilet... if the sign actually read... "Ain't Takin' NO Sh*t"!

   It is so nice that so many people have learned the golden rule "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". The unfortunate part is... no one talks to anyone anymore!

   Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. So if you see him without an erection... make him a sandwich!

   I don't do drugs. I can get the same effect just standing up fast!

   If I ever had enough money... I would start up my own towing company... and call it "Camel Towing"!

   You know you have an awesome bra... when you can do the entire 'Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes' song.... with just a slight adjustment of the shoulder straps!

   Grandma learned that 50 Shades of Grey... was not a book about hair colour!

   What do you call sex on a Greyhound bus? The 3 foot high club!

   Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you!

   My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash... and it is gone!