SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The AMA does NOT reward talented MUSICIANS for making remarkable music, it rewards ENTERTAINERS for entertaining the easily entertained.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 09:15 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long? I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.
←Rate | 08-22-2011 16:22 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I'll take a Dirty Hammock."
←Rate | 09-19-2011 11:15 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better
←Rate | 09-07-2011 09:19 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Page 404 Not Found" I wasn't even looking for page 404.
←Rate | 01-23-2012 11:10 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon The economy is so bad that Anglina Jolie is adopting American kids now.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 14:42 by SuthernFukr Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 10:07 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're an adult when you suddenly start taking Bert's side over Ernie's.
←Rate | 02-16-2012 10:28 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know how we smack your household appliances when they're malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.
←Rate | 09-12-2011 11:02 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
←Rate | 03-05-2012 09:53 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've spent at least 15% of my life pulling a chain & trying to figure out if the ceiling fan is speeding up or slowing down.
←Rate | 04-03-2012 10:42 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe if they turned the economy off and then turned it back on it might run better. Works for my computer.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 14:06 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, I want to be cremated and put inside an Etch-a-Sketch.
←Rate | 06-05-2012 10:54 by SuthernFukr Comments (1)  


   messageicon Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.
←Rate | 02-03-2012 13:12 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vacations are a great way to spend thousands of dollars to stare at your phone in exotic locations.
←Rate | 03-15-2012 09:40 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, "Make it 52"
←Rate | 03-24-2012 10:20 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 09:42 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there's a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
←Rate | 08-10-2011 13:06 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm surprised by the violence in Syria. I really thought the World Peace sign at the end of Madonna's halftime show would work.
←Rate | 02-06-2012 15:59 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon These ‘energy saving' light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
←Rate | 08-31-2011 10:30 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  



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