SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon 7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
←Rate | 03-05-2012 17:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon 3 things in this world scare me: 1. scorpions 2. jellyfish 3. streets named after civil rights leaders at night.
←Rate | 12-18-2012 16:28 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Golf ball sized hail wouldn't be so destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.Do I have to think of everything?!
←Rate | 05-25-2012 10:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, don't wear skinny jeans if you have a big head. You look like a Pez dispenser.
←Rate | 06-04-2012 16:54 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. #fail
←Rate | 02-17-2012 09:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon PRO Halloween money saving tip, put an empty bucket on your front porch with a sign that reads "Take One"
←Rate | 10-30-2013 10:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing him.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 15:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
←Rate | 08-14-2012 15:46 by SEAN Comments (1)  


   messageicon I put suicide notes next to roadkill so their animal families have some closure.
←Rate | 06-13-2012 08:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon How in the world did Bill & Hillary Clinton avoid the celebrity nickname HillBilly? WE DROPPED THE BALL AMERICA.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 17:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can't get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently it is frowned upon to walk into a bank yelling “It's my Money and I want it now!” Thanks a lot J.G Wentworth
←Rate | 01-08-2011 12:36 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
←Rate | 11-06-2012 14:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why no, stranger, I CAN'T believe how early it gets dark now despite the fact this phenomena has occurred every single year of my existence.
←Rate | 11-06-2012 14:20 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Piñatas are a great way to show kids that using assault with a deadly weapon is a fun way to get what they want.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:28 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant could also be called I Didn't Realize I Was Retarded.
←Rate | 08-27-2012 11:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never been interrogated, but I have ordered a sandwich at subway, so I think I'm prepared.
←Rate | 07-11-2012 09:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation of chocolate covered toothpaste.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 09:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unless you've figured out how to air condition your yard, don't invite me to your June or July outdoor weddings.
←Rate | 05-31-2012 10:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  



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