Mike Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My crash diet just crashed face first into a bacon double cheeseburger and a large order of fries.
←Rate | 09-04-2013 15:13 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon the most successful people are those who are good at plan B.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 20:28 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't believe Skelator sold out and is now doing commercials. Oh well, he's still a better pitchman than Michael Bolton.
←Rate | 11-30-2014 20:44 by Mike Comments (1)  

   messageicon So, I read today that NASCAR is getting fuel injection.... I also learned that when they hit 88 mph the new cars travel through time back to 1985, when the rest of us had fuel injection.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 22:48 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't wait for my rent decrease!!!! Will it take effect as soon as the polls close, or will I have to wait until Jimmy is sworn in?
←Rate | 11-02-2010 05:20 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Officer; "Sir, would you mind taking an alcohol test?" Me; "I have been testing alcohol all day so I don't see how one more test could hurt."
←Rate | 01-26-2013 10:29 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon pretty sure it's what Jesus would have done...
←Rate | 08-19-2009 12:07 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing is more conflicting to men than an ugly woman with a really nice a$$.
←Rate | 01-21-2013 17:16 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Orioles have been so bad for so long that MLB is now requiring them to take performance enhancing drugs
←Rate | 05-21-2010 12:22 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am a good listener, just ask my TV.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 10:19 by Mike Comments (1)  

   messageicon my opinion on forced birth control has changed after watching one episode of Honey Boo Boo.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 08:15 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear BP: Animals soaking up the oil is not a spill response plan.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 08:34 by mike Comments (1)  

   messageicon Got my umbrella taken away at gunpoint.....damn Burlington mall
←Rate | 04-25-2011 20:25 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon 100% positive that he isn't sure!
←Rate | 09-08-2009 00:56 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Halo 4 comes out on election day? I hope my wife tells me who won the election....i'll be busy for the next week or so!
←Rate | 11-05-2012 05:35 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon ready for them to release the photo of Bin Laden. He wants to print T-shirts and mugs that say "This is the face of terrorism."
←Rate | 05-03-2011 06:34 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hope the MVP has his shots up to date. Disneyland is dangerous nowadays!
←Rate | 02-02-2015 05:43 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon ATTENTION VEGETARIANS: If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat
←Rate | 04-06-2010 00:08 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I trained a raccoon to play dead in the front yard...Okay, I hit him with the truck but the end result is the same thing.
←Rate | 10-04-2013 23:04 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon So pathetic when some people use Facebook as their drama diary. Every. Freakin. Day. If your life is really that bad, you should probably do something about it. No, whining on Facebook is not considered "something."
←Rate | 02-09-2013 14:08 by mike Comments (0)  

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