Fluff!! Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up, so we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted? ... How's that working out for you?
←Rate | 08-19-2014 19:34 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the person who affixed the word coffee to the word cake, thereby justifying the eating of cake for breakfast....I salute you unnamed hero of the unhealthy
←Rate | 08-03-2013 08:40 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload the gun instead of shooting into a bullet proof vest.
←Rate | 03-14-2013 18:46 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
←Rate | 03-28-2014 20:04 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am pleased to announce that I hired Helen Waite to handle the issuance of all apologies on my behalf. So from now on, if you're looking for an “I'm sorry” from me, please go to Helen Waite for it..
←Rate | 02-11-2013 19:50 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon just wanted to say "Thank you" to those of you have faithfully cracked me up when I pop in here. Off to wipe coffee of my screen again.
←Rate | 02-20-2013 19:30 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I don't understand women.
←Rate | 08-29-2013 07:41 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's much better to wake up and go pee than to go pee and wake up
←Rate | 01-14-2017 22:45 by FLUFF!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just listened to the song "She'll be coming around the Mountain" and you know what, if "She'll be riding six white horses when she comes", she's probably more woman than most of us can handle
←Rate | 07-20-2013 11:40 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dont you hate when you're at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"
←Rate | 03-22-2013 10:54 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate rhyming. PENlS.
←Rate | 04-15-2015 12:46 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon When people call me smart, I'm just thankful they're not around to see me turn the wrong burner on the stove every-single-time!!
←Rate | 04-25-2014 18:53 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet the person who invented lunges was really just some dude adjusting his baIIs
←Rate | 03-29-2014 16:35 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing them.
←Rate | 06-03-2013 19:01 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


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