FLUFF!! Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I just had ice cream WITHOUT sprinkles ... OMG diets sure are hard!!
←Rate | 07-10-2020 10:51 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Birdman won the Oscar for Best Picture ... for some reason Kanye thought it should have gone to Beyonce
←Rate | 02-23-2015 08:00 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon I glued a beer bottle cap to my watch so that whenever I look at it, I know it's time to drink.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 21:38 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon The adventures of 'mom isn't home'... Today boys and girls, we learned what it feels like to stick your tongue into the vacuum cleaner hose...my 4 year old will never be the same...
←Rate | 03-19-2013 19:21 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up, so we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted? ... How's that working out for you?
←Rate | 08-19-2014 19:34 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
←Rate | 03-28-2014 20:04 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload the gun instead of shooting into a bullet proof vest.
←Rate | 03-14-2013 18:46 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the person who affixed the word coffee to the word cake, thereby justifying the eating of cake for breakfast....I salute you unnamed hero of the unhealthy
←Rate | 08-03-2013 08:40 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am pleased to announce that I hired Helen Waite to handle the issuance of all apologies on my behalf. So from now on, if you're looking for an “I'm sorry” from me, please go to Helen Waite for it..
←Rate | 02-11-2013 19:50 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's much better to wake up and go pee than to go pee and wake up
←Rate | 01-14-2017 22:45 by FLUFF!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon just wanted to say "Thank you" to those of you have faithfully cracked me up when I pop in here. Off to wipe coffee of my screen again.
←Rate | 02-20-2013 19:30 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I don't understand women.
←Rate | 08-29-2013 07:41 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just listened to the song "She'll be coming around the Mountain" and you know what, if "She'll be riding six white horses when she comes", she's probably more woman than most of us can handle
←Rate | 07-20-2013 11:40 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dont you hate when you're at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"
←Rate | 03-22-2013 10:54 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate rhyming. PENlS.
←Rate | 04-15-2015 12:46 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people call me smart, I'm just thankful they're not around to see me turn the wrong burner on the stove every-single-time!!
←Rate | 04-25-2014 18:53 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the person who invented lunges was really just some dude adjusting his baIIs
←Rate | 03-29-2014 16:35 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing them.
←Rate | 06-03-2013 19:01 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  



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