Baddie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 01:48 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss is currently shopping for quarter million dollar homes. Meanwhile, I'm over here deciding if I really need to spend $2 on lunch.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 01:26 by Baddie Comments (2)  


   messageicon I don't want to brag, but I'm single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
←Rate | 05-11-2013 09:45 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is no straight way to wash a cucumber.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 11:39 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing beats a woman with a great voice. Except Chris Brown.
←Rate | 09-26-2013 15:32 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
←Rate | 09-13-2013 13:17 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being 'clean and sober' means I've showered and I'm headed to the liquor store.
←Rate | 03-18-2014 13:47 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your bellybutton jewelry touches the person you’re hugging before you do…you shouldn’t have bellybutton jewelry.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 12:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When attacked by a bear, play dead. Make his meal less stressful. It's not all about you.
←Rate | 06-27-2014 14:15 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
←Rate | 08-30-2014 11:47 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone's ok with that.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 13:35 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think your child is annoying, imagine what I think.
←Rate | 12-27-2012 08:17 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can't eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 02:21 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A threesome? Nah not for me. If I wanted to horribly disappoint two other people I'd go out to dinner with my parents.
←Rate | 07-27-2013 13:33 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just gave my girlfriend my two week notice.
←Rate | 07-18-2012 14:00 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I see your swag and I raise you a high school education.
←Rate | 11-16-2012 15:00 by Baddie Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm sick of closing out every job interview with "I was young. I needed the money."
←Rate | 09-05-2013 12:25 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "I'm behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
←Rate | 08-23-2014 09:43 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna know what it's like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
←Rate | 04-04-2014 14:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please don't come to my garage sale if you've ever let me borrow something.
←Rate | 08-10-2014 13:00 by Baddie Comments (0)  



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