Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The rules were already broken when I got here.
←Rate | 10-25-2010 09:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is funny. Well, yours is. To me.
←Rate | 10-10-2010 08:37 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tattoos are like cats. You get one, then you have to get another, then you get more and more until you have to get rid of them using lasers.
←Rate | 02-20-2012 17:12 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever you can't think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I've been thinking about killing you."
←Rate | 02-28-2013 18:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I go to Subway, when they ask if I would like my sandwich toasted, I say yes & then I raise my cup of Coke & say, "To my sandwich!"
←Rate | 02-17-2012 21:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I'll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
←Rate | 08-11-2013 11:52 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Definition of anxiety: half of the time you're worried about the other half of the time.
←Rate | 03-21-2012 17:20 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
←Rate | 07-14-2011 01:18 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
←Rate | 07-19-2012 19:30 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a public restroom I found a sign that read "THINK" on the mirror above the sink so I labelled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match with it
←Rate | 09-26-2012 10:23 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon How about adding "Be a nice person" to your bucket list. Any as*hole can jump out of a plane.
←Rate | 06-27-2012 11:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger.
←Rate | 10-27-2010 09:12 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My vegetarian friend could not understand why I brought a bottle of ketchup on our hiking trip. “In case we get lost.” He's slow. Tasty slow.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 22:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend of mine sent me a postcard with a satellite photo of the entire planet on it, and on the back he wrote, "Wish you were here."
←Rate | 04-13-2010 14:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
←Rate | 06-19-2010 19:33 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn't say a word.
←Rate | 01-06-2011 19:30 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would pay good money to see the mayhem guy from Allstate hook up with Flo from Progressive.
←Rate | 01-15-2012 10:29 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.
←Rate | 07-16-2011 20:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heart pounding, pupils dilated, fingers trembling, dry mouth, sweaty palms, rising feeling of panic... Where the hell has my phone gone?
←Rate | 04-06-2016 19:49 by Aaron Comments (1)  


   messageicon My new favorite thing to do is slip a kid $20 while his parents aren't looking and quietly whisper: "This is from your real father."
←Rate | 05-26-2011 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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