Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon How about adding "Be a nice person" to your bucket list. Any as*hole can jump out of a plane.
←Rate | 06-27-2012 11:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
←Rate | 06-26-2015 18:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger.
←Rate | 10-27-2010 09:12 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend of mine sent me a postcard with a satellite photo of the entire planet on it, and on the back he wrote, "Wish you were here."
←Rate | 04-13-2010 14:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I go to Subway, when they ask if I would like my sandwich toasted, I say yes & then I raise my cup of Coke & say, "To my sandwich!"
←Rate | 02-17-2012 21:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
←Rate | 06-19-2010 19:33 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn't say a word.
←Rate | 01-06-2011 19:30 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes police too long to respond to 911 calls. If I get robbed I'm ordering Chinese food and asking them to bring a gun.
←Rate | 01-28-2011 14:10 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever you can't think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I've been thinking about killing you."
←Rate | 02-28-2013 18:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is funny. Well, yours is. To me.
←Rate | 10-10-2010 08:37 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heart pounding, pupils dilated, fingers trembling, dry mouth, sweaty palms, rising feeling of panic... Where the hell has my phone gone?
←Rate | 04-06-2016 19:49 by Aaron Comments (1)  


   messageicon You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
←Rate | 07-14-2011 01:18 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honestly, I love every single some of you.
←Rate | 09-11-2010 09:01 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
←Rate | 07-10-2013 13:47 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green..
←Rate | 10-02-2010 18:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone who says laughter is the best medicine has never had morphine.
←Rate | 11-02-2010 23:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the shortage of great leaders, I have decided to follow myself.
←Rate | 03-20-2010 15:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cops will just throw you in the back of the squad car like they didn't even hear you call shotgun.
←Rate | 01-18-2011 17:22 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.
←Rate | 10-14-2010 22:56 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally returning your knife. Just got it out of my back.
←Rate | 07-27-2010 04:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  


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