Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I only like games where the winner gets their stomach pumped at the hospital
←Rate | 11-12-2012 19:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The intellectual level of this status update has been deliberately diminished for your comprehension.
←Rate | 02-06-2013 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally returning your knife. Just got it out of my back.
←Rate | 07-27-2010 04:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
←Rate | 04-30-2012 19:53 by Aaron Comments (0)  




   messageicon In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn't say a word.
←Rate | 01-06-2011 19:30 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would pay good money to see the mayhem guy from Allstate hook up with Flo from Progressive.
←Rate | 01-15-2012 10:29 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Olympic event should include one average person competing, for reference.
←Rate | 08-03-2012 19:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can tolerate having a "kick me" note put on my back, but a "wash me" note really cuts to the core.
←Rate | 09-15-2011 15:37 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just tried to cook something from scratch and ended up summoning a demon.
←Rate | 12-24-2012 15:34 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
←Rate | 06-19-2010 19:33 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder whose stadium will be the first to play "Who let the dogs out" when Michael Vick plays.
←Rate | 09-22-2010 22:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
←Rate | 06-26-2015 18:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
←Rate | 07-14-2011 01:18 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The rules were already broken when I got here.
←Rate | 10-25-2010 09:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's taken me awhile but I think I'm finally ready to accept that it's not butter
←Rate | 08-07-2011 02:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Three midgets walk into a mini-bar.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 11:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever saw someone do some of the things I do, I'd be horrified.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 13:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
←Rate | 09-05-2013 20:05 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new favorite thing to do is slip a kid $20 while his parents aren't looking and quietly whisper: "This is from your real father."
←Rate | 05-26-2011 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
←Rate | 09-09-2010 22:52 by Aaron Comments (0)  



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