Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Whenever you can't think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I've been thinking about killing you."
←Rate | 02-28-2013 18:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn't say a word.
←Rate | 01-06-2011 19:30 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's taken me awhile but I think I'm finally ready to accept that it's not butter
←Rate | 08-07-2011 02:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
←Rate | 07-14-2011 01:18 by Aaron Comments (0)  




   messageicon I better get to sleep. I have to get up early to call in sick to work.
←Rate | 10-25-2010 09:26 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
←Rate | 07-19-2012 19:30 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
←Rate | 07-10-2013 13:47 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I'll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
←Rate | 08-11-2013 11:52 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green..
←Rate | 10-02-2010 18:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
←Rate | 12-31-2010 23:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone who says laughter is the best medicine has never had morphine.
←Rate | 11-02-2010 23:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....
←Rate | 07-31-2013 16:24 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the shortage of great leaders, I have decided to follow myself.
←Rate | 03-20-2010 15:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only like games where the winner gets their stomach pumped at the hospital
←Rate | 11-12-2012 19:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The intellectual level of this status update has been deliberately diminished for your comprehension.
←Rate | 02-06-2013 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cops will just throw you in the back of the squad car like they didn't even hear you call shotgun.
←Rate | 01-18-2011 17:22 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally returning your knife. Just got it out of my back.
←Rate | 07-27-2010 04:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
←Rate | 04-30-2012 19:53 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would pay good money to see the mayhem guy from Allstate hook up with Flo from Progressive.
←Rate | 01-15-2012 10:29 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Olympic event should include one average person competing, for reference.
←Rate | 08-03-2012 19:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  



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