g0re Funny Status Messages

   There is always this person on Facebook who thinks he/she can teach you the meaning of life in a two sentence status and you're like'Deep, real deep''.

   Be a lady's man, not a ladies man.

   Saying, "Comment and like the pic please!" on Facebook is no different than saying, "Please make my self- esteem go up"

   Fastest way to get through a crowd: Walk fast, look worried, and yell"Timmy? TIMMY?! WHERE ARE YOU TIMMY?!".

   Accidentally quoting lyrics may be funny or embarrassing, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

   If Patrick Star was running for president, his motto could be "We should take all of our problems, and move them somewhere else!"

   Before looking for intelligent life on planets found in other solar systems, maybe we should look for it on our own planet..

   It'd be really weird if animals were like pokemon in that they said their names instead of making sounds. So instead of going "Meow" a cat would walk around going "CAAAAAAT CAAAAAT! CATCATCATCAT!"

   I do the perfect imitation of a slug being poured salt on when my mom turns the light on in my room this early

   The brain is the most important organ you have...According to the brain.

   Dreams: are always getting to the best part, and then you wake up.

   It looks like your supermarket is dressing up as Christmas for Halloween.

   If McDonalds sold hot dogs you wouldn't be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it.

   Because of the constant rubbing of tectonic plates, the earth has volcanic ejaculations.

   In the world of MTV, when a girl is in her sixteenth year she either gets an extravagant birthday party or a baby. Most sixteen-year-olds I know would settle for a new iPod.

   Kids in math problems have way too much time on their hands. Like seriously Avi? You're going to calculate the angle at which you need to ride your bike to get to Market Street? Get a girlfriend or something.

   The best girlfriend to have is sleep because you'd get some every night.

   1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 804 islands, 7 seas, 7 billion people, and you're still single? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGAHA, me too.

   If you think about it, most of your friendships stay in the "humor zone", where silences are awkward and must be resolved with laughs. Deep friendships allow you to be yourself instead of just a comedian.

   It's annoying when girls take pictures in glasses and they're like "I'm a nerd". Like shut up you're not a nerd you're just a slut with glasses on.