Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   Idea for a Christmas Party: Have two guys dress as Jesus and Santa Claus. One brings wine the other brings Eggnog with vodka. Santa brings his 12 reindeer playboy bunnies. All at your mother-in-law's house. ONE BIG JINGLE FOR THE YEAR.

   A woman bragging to a man about her college degree is like a man bragging about slam dunking on a woman.

   it me or is majority of your high school friends more ‘Antisocial' these days on Facebook. Like we're all strangers or something…..No? Ok its not just me.

   Please! You're only older than me because your parents decided to have unprotected sex before mine did. At least mine didn't make a mistake that night.

   Dear Leviticus 19:27,..........Nobody cares.

   Facebook (FB) + Instagram (I) = FBI............."They" are watching you.

   You use your phone as a flashlight at night and hit random buttons to keep it lit.

   You think Zelda would be a lot more "appreciative" of Link for saving her. The boy went through like 7 dungeons & caves, at least give him the sex he deserves.

   [You're choking]:---- I have two choices: Do I perform the Hiemlich Manuever or should I just stand there and pray for you?.........Science: 1 , Religion: -10

   It took a movie like Blindside and Jesse James' cheating ways for Sandra Bullock to decide to adopt a black baby.

   If only mosquitos sucked fat instead of blood.

   How many damn vampire movies and shows has there been since Dracula up until Twilight Saga?.....Somewhere between the number of 40 and overkill of film.

   If you have to steal something. then it's obvious you never needed it in the first place.

   Went to a Real life party and I knew everybody there. Went to a Facebook party and saw most of my friends. Went to a Twitter party and didn't know anybody there. Went to a Myspace party and I was the only one there.

   FACT: Toilet paper is more useful than your precious college degree. At least an "a**hole" would always hire a roll for to pay off his "sh*t" not student loan debt.

   Be an OPTIMIST Prime and not a NEGAtron.

   planning on driving to the south Florida for the Super Bowl. Let's just hope I don't "FUMBLE" my keys a few times before getting there.

   Life is not measured by the breaths you take...its measured by the moments that take your breath away.

   Interesting how you can't say "prick" on TV as a noun or calling someone the name. You can say you got a prick on your finger just don't say you fingered a prick.

   If this God wanted to impress me with his miracles, he would've impregnanted Joseph and not a poor, unwed teenage girl. That sh|t happens everyday.