Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Knowledge is my weapon of choice in a battle of wits. I see you brought ignorance. This is gonna be a massacre!

   Dad, when I grow up I want to join Twitter. Sorry son. You can't do both.

   Keys to a good marriage: 1) Trust 2) Communication 3) Intimacy 4) Blocking each other on Social Networks And 5) Alcohol

   I told my girlfriend that I would accompany her on her shopping trip to the mall. I have packed enough food and water to survive for three days.

   Negative people and stupid people should be tape recorded and forced to listen to their own bullsh*t.

   You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.

   [job interview] "So what are your goals for working here?" To be home by 5

   I asked my mom one time why I was white and she was black. She said, " the way I remember the party you're lucky you don't bark."

   I'm white but not "I know who my state senator is", white.

   You laugh because you think it's a joke. I laugh because you think I'm joking.

   This orange juice tastes weird without vodka.

   The best things in life are free. The worst things in life will cost you half of everything you own.

   If you've ever seen a woman masturbate, it's odd they're not better at video games.

   So broke right now, if a thief robbed me, he'd just be practicing.

   How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.

   I just tell ugly girls I have a paper bag fetish.

   Women don't trust Men, not because they cheat but because they know how scandalous and shady other Women are!

   So Chris Brown smoked a little pot. If blunts are the only thing he's hitting, that sounds like progress to me.

   No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.

   There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don't know.