Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I live every day like it's my first. There's a lot of crying and sleeping involved.
←Rate | 01-27-2011 22:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes police too long to respond to 911 calls. If I get robbed I'm ordering Chinese food and asking them to bring a gun.
←Rate | 01-28-2011 14:10 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The phrase "This sh*t is bananas" probably originated from the guy who had to clean out the monkey cage at the zoo.
←Rate | 01-28-2011 14:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sitting here with Google open, and now I can't remember what I didn't know.
←Rate | 01-30-2011 00:34 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just finished building Rome with Lego. Took me a day.
←Rate | 01-30-2011 17:59 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst part about fighting with your dog is the makeup sex.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 22:29 by Aaron Comments (1)  


   messageicon The barman says "we don't serve time travellers in here". A time traveller walks into a bar.
←Rate | 02-01-2011 14:13 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Egyptians, please chill the f**k out while we consult our groundhog for advice.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 14:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gonna steal one of those "No interest for 12 months" signs from a store...and hang it on my life.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 15:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't believe it's 2011 and I still can't serve my jail sentence online.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 15:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In hindsight, maybe two hours of being snowed in was too soon to eat my family.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 10:59 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you ever get half way through eating a horse and think to yourself, “I'm not as hungry as I thought I was.”
←Rate | 02-05-2011 14:39 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Try something spontaneous today. Like combustion.
←Rate | 02-05-2011 14:39 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember - with Valentine's Day only five days away, it's not too late to break up.
←Rate | 02-10-2011 13:45 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm celebrating Egypt's freedom by eating the top of the food pyramid all day.
←Rate | 02-11-2011 18:23 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just moved the dog's bed to vacuum underneath and found a stack of pics of people's legs.
←Rate | 02-13-2011 16:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "In this same office, firing you." - Best answer to the "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" job interview question.
←Rate | 02-15-2011 11:47 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't like people who can't make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
←Rate | 02-15-2011 11:54 by Aaron Comments (1)  


   messageicon "Hey, there's food on the ground. Let's go." "No way, it hasn't been 5 seconds yet." -germs
←Rate | 02-21-2011 13:02 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
←Rate | 02-21-2011 19:25 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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