huck Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes after I try to parallel park, I'll just get out and stand with my hands on my hips like a relief pitcher who just blew a save.

   If I'm am ever wronged, I expect you to avenge me. So be ready.

   1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait

   What if Gangnam Style is actually a rain dance and we've brought the frankenstorm down upon ourselves?

   The only people I trust are the ones that like big butts; they can not lie

   I'm so old I remember when people didn't publicly express every feeling they had every moment they had it.

   I love everybody. Even you, insecure person reading this hoping someone loves you … even you.

   If you try to win an argument by comparing the other side to "nazis", you are worse than Hitler.

   The actor Peter Cullen voiced both Eeyore AND Optimus Prime. That trivia will be in your brain forever. You're welcome.

   Roses are red Violets are blue Sunflowers are yellow I bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just plain old gardening facts.

   If you can read this, thank a teacher. Like right now. Break into their house and wake them up.

   Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop

   Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”

   I'll be your life coach. Stand up straight. Don't ever wear that in public. Speak properly. That will be 800 dollars. Cash.

   The jerk store called. Instead of texting. Typical

   I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs

   Trying to quit electronic cigarettes by smoking real ones.

   Hey, Journey? Quick question: What if I never even started believin'?

   I bet the most common dying wish is to live longer

   There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.