Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I confused the words “tinker” and “tinkle” and my neighbor no longer wants help with her computer.
←Rate | 05-05-2019 13:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It bothers me that someone may steal my identity and use it to make thousands of dollars behind my back. It mostly bothers me because I currently have my identity and can't figure out how to do that..
←Rate | 05-07-2019 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't mean to like your selfie I was just trying to get dried salsa off my phone.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 13:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan
←Rate | 09-06-2019 12:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Makeup can make you look pretty on the outside, but it won't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup...
←Rate | 09-26-2019 05:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Manager: Why do you want to work at Comcast? Applicant: I'll get you an answer in about a week. Manager: Brilliant! You're hired.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gorilla Glue works best if you want your fingers stuck to whatever’s broken but you don’t actually want to fix it.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 13:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 13:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before Facebook I had to disappoint people in person
←Rate | 09-26-2019 15:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Been working out. Pretty sure I can beat up half the kids from "Stranger Things" now.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cool Fact:Fred Flintstone was the first ever man to become a vitamin
←Rate | 12-20-2019 11:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are ever out in public and you see misbehaved kids running around - start running with them it really brings the nonsense to a halt.
←Rate | 10-15-2019 04:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I was as optimistic as the wives that believe they can change their husbands into the men they thought they married.
←Rate | 10-23-2019 04:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn, I wish I had a structured settlement so I could get cash now!
←Rate | 10-30-2019 13:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you say "I'm fine" while squirting a can of whipped cream straight into your mouth, people won't believe you but they will also leave you alone.
←Rate | 11-03-2019 06:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson are going to merge and become one company. Their new name will be "Titty Titty Bang Bang."
←Rate | 11-17-2019 16:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock thats humerus no, I’m not sorry
←Rate | 11-18-2019 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know the Boeing 767 is made up of 3.1 million parts from 800 different manufacturers, each of whom was the lowest bidder? Anyways, have safe flight when you head home for Thanksgiving!
←Rate | 11-22-2019 10:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Divorce is never funny. Unless it’s happening to your ex who got engaged six weeks after you broke up.
←Rate | 01-14-2020 06:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Accidentally left the plunger in the toilet, so yeah the wife is wide awake now.
←Rate | 01-15-2020 06:40 Comments (0)  




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