Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   Congratulations Michael Jordan on your new marriage.....Now she owns you.

   Just walk up to a blonde and tell her to say "Alpha kenny Body" really fast.

   If your nuts happen to itch while in public, best way is to scratch it from the inside of your pants pocket.

   Youtube isn't just popular because of the videos, its popular because of the attractive video TITLES.

   The News Feed sure does have a lot of sales on Spam Jordans and Nike shoes.

   A JOB you say? You mean when the person @ the top (CEO) makes the most money, then the vice-president below, then middle management, then store managers/supervisors, then the hard-working employees at the bottom. Hmmm looks like a pyramid scheme to me.

   What people call Pharmaceutical doctors, I call legal drug dealers. Medically certified to kill you. *Ask your doctor if this status is right for you*

   I'm guessing sex when you're 80 and up is like playing pool with a rope.

   I'm going to open a gym on January 1, 2012 and call it "Irony Fitness." It 's only going to be open for two months.

   Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die.....and who said statistics don't have a beginning, middle, and end.

   I wonder if clouds look down on us and say "Hey look! That one looks like an idiot."

   Some people think their religion and political views are “correct” and everyone else to them must be wrong. Some people seem to think their view of what work and life should be (or can be) is the right one…and everyone else is a dumb-dumb.

   MAN: "Hi. I'm Bond.....James Bond. What's your name?" WOMAN: "Off.....Fu¢k Off."

   never a follower......that's what 'Twits' are for.

   Some people find themselves spending more time on their ex's FB page more then they spent time on their ex period.

   Hey, I'm your friend, I'm two-faced, and I wouldn't mind backstabbing you one day...because that's what all of the friends do am I right...

   I'm going to create man & women with original sin. Then I'm going to impregnate a woman with myself as her child so that I can be born. Once alive, I will kill myself as a sacrifice to myself. To save you from a sin I originally condemned you to. Ta dah!!

   Time lives forever so how can the Mayans predict Time when Time existed long before they even started to make a calender....That's like Snooki saying she'll look hot 103 years from now.

   You never see a church with free WiFi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works..

   Man that Game of Thrones is a much better fictional novel series than the Bible ever is.