Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Behind every woman there's a man trying to put it in her butt.

   I don't know why any sensible guy would even want a skinny chick. Clearly they're no good at making sandwiches.

   I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.

   In a relationship you'll find either your soulmate or your cellmate.

   Don't judge me unless you can show me your acceptance letter to heaven.

   Even that crack on the wall becomes more interesting when you're meant to be studying.

   Someone needs to invent a pill that makes saving money feel as good as spending it.

   Sometimes I look at all this cool stuff I own and realise that I probably wouldn't have any of it if I was married.

   Miracles do happen even on Facebook and Twitter. Come Sunday and suddenly everyone becomes a preacher.

   Sean Connery's dog must get so confused when he yells for it to sit.

   They praise and call Brice brave for changing into a woman. They hail it as an achievement. This world has really gone to the dogs. I remember a time when bravery was risking your life fighting against the Nazi. Achievement was landing on the moon.

   It takes me a week to return a phone call, but I will knock over a baby to get to my phone if I even think I hear a Facebook notification

   Bears are just men who were abandoned by their wives and haven't shaved since then.

   If I call you cupcake it's because I'm probably going to put my vanilla frosting on your forehead.

   Did you know that if you decapitate a vegan they can continue to talk about being a vegan for another 10 minutes?

   Sorry for drunk texting you again last night. I assure you that I didn't mean what I said, unless you feel the same way

   Always look for the good in everyone… if you can't find it, you probably need another drink.

   No honey you are not fat. You are just too sexy that it overflows.

   I don't need anger management... I need people to stop talking to me when I wake up.

   I still have every movie I've ever rented.