Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Today is Memorial Day, not Veterans Day, that's in November. It's okay to thank a Veteran but today is to honor those that gave the ultimate sacrifice.
←Rate | 05-29-2017 08:43 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
←Rate | 01-27-2017 13:49 by gremlinsd Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stress makes you very tired, but it`s stressful to avoid stress, so you end up stressed out anyway,
←Rate | 02-04-2012 08:49 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  

   messageicon Employee: I got to have salary increase. Three other companies are after me. Boss: Really? Which are the three companies? Employee: The electric company, the telephone company and the gas company.
←Rate | 04-22-2012 17:12 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  

   messageicon They say you're not supposed to go to the grocery store when you're hungry. It's been several days now, what should I do?
←Rate | 01-09-2017 15:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn’t set my clocks back. I’m writing this from one hour in your future. We have jet packs.
←Rate | 11-06-2017 01:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank you to all the Veterans enjoy this day of honor.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 03:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon On the lighter side, United Airlines won't have to worry about being overbooked for a while.
←Rate | 04-10-2017 11:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies, it's not a birth month or even a birth week. It's a birthday. You get to celebrate one f'n day, ok?
←Rate | 06-04-2017 09:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Teddy Kennedy, Slick Willie, & Harvey Weinstein...all champions for women's rights!
←Rate | 10-09-2017 13:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday a barber was arrested in Victorville for selling drugs. That's crazy, I've been his customer for years and had no idea he knew how to cut hair.
←Rate | 04-14-2017 14:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Wow, Windows Troubleshooter totally solved the problem!" said no one ever.
←Rate | 04-27-2017 23:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon That concludes the Time Travelers Club meeting, see you all last month.
←Rate | 05-06-2017 10:15 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
←Rate | 05-06-2017 16:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was wearing glasses before it was a Snapchat filter...I'm a trendsetter
←Rate | 05-07-2017 04:05 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I'm gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
←Rate | 05-09-2017 07:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do race horses really pee more than regular horses?
←Rate | 05-30-2017 07:28 Comments (2)  

   messageicon How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when the crook gave up and threw the gun at him?
←Rate | 06-05-2017 07:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Somewhere there's a guy named Jayden K. Smith wondering why nobody will accept his FB friend requests
←Rate | 07-10-2017 23:53 by Sharp Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going to start a non-profit organization to promote the legalization of marijuana. It will be called the March of Dimebags.
←Rate | 07-19-2017 07:17 Comments (0)  

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