Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Might get crazy tonight and go to bed at 10 instead of 9.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In 2018, 33 researchers published their theory that octopuses didn’t originate on earth and are actually alien life forms.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 06:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Might put the tree up and call it a year.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 06:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The word is “butter,” go spread the word.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 01:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to escape the matrix: Step one, turn off your television.
←Rate | 06-11-2022 01:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon War is when they tell you who the enemy is. Revolution is when you figure it out for yourself.
←Rate | 06-13-2022 02:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always be nice to people that have access to your toothbrush.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can’t stay young forever, but you can be immature for the rest of your life.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Waking up and realizing you’re still not rich.
←Rate | 05-17-2022 06:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you the only one who gets it, understands it, or who thinks that your own jokes are funny? Something to consider while that jellybean rolls around in your coconut.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 06:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear weather app, I don’t need a blinking light informing me that the pollen is high when my car looks like a Cheeto.
←Rate | 05-27-2022 00:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You: Perhaps they’re not stars in the sky, but rather openings in heaven where our loved ones shine down to let us know that they’re happy. Me: Can I buy some weed from you?
←Rate | 05-27-2022 00:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to prepare tofu. Step one: throw it in the trash. Step two: grill some meat.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hangovers are temporary. Drunk stories are forever.
←Rate | 06-11-2022 01:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
←Rate | 06-13-2022 02:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If they can get their student loans forgiven, then I want my car loan forgiven. All loans matter.
←Rate | 06-15-2022 01:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Demonstrate how much you suck.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 11:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A patient cured is a customer lost.
←Rate | 06-18-2022 00:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best zoom calls are the ones where a pet makes a cameo like Stan Lee in one of the Marvel movies.
←Rate | 07-03-2022 06:37 Comments (0)  




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