Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Ladies, if your Facebook status is "It's Complicated" it's really not. It's simple, you have a sh^itty boyfriend, and you're co-dependent.

   I'm going to Prehab... On the off chance that I get addictions.

   I wonder what would happen if I walked through Sea World with a fishing pole.

   Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

   If we're not supposed to have late night snacks.. why is there a light in the fridge?

   I think the best thing about the Internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort.

   Still in bed, the kid asked me to come downstairs... said he wanted to show me something "totally awesome." If it's not a bacon tower, I'm gonna be pissed.

   Tu pac's of Eminems are 50 cents, That's Ludacris! I want my Nickelback.

   A Middle Eastern man bought a lot of stuff off the internet but never received it. Unfortunately he was E-gypt.

   Cops never say "Thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed." It's just plain selfish!

   Immediately like this status if you automatically restart a game when you know your gonna lose!

   Moving sucks! Why hasn't anyone invented Copy and Paste for real life?

   Don't hate me because I´m good, hate me because I know it!!!

   Adam's first words to Eve: "Stand back, I don`t know how big this thing gets!"

   I do NOT have an attitude problem... Yes, I may have the attitude, but YOU'RE the one that seems to have a problem with it...

   I love it when the person's laugh is funnier than the actual joke.

   Why do the guys at Footlocker get so mad when they can't force you to buy socks or extra shoe cleaner.

   Hand jobs are like the WNBA a cheap imitation of something that men do better.

   The biggest lie ever: I have read and agree to the terms of use.

   On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?