Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages
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It's International Womens Day and I don't know why men are so upset . They have their own day too : Palm Sunday.
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Been there. Done that. Bought the T-shirt. Sold it on EBay. Made a tidy little profit.
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A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
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One day, you come home and everything has changed, like the locks.
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It felt good to turn my lights out yesterday for Earth Day. On hindsight,i probably shouldn't have been driving at the time.
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A dress is like a barbed wire fence. It protects the premises without obstructing the view.
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If someone calls me fat, I don't get angry. I just turn the other chin.
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I'm a "person of interest"? Well,thank you very much, Officer.
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You can cross my mind, run through it, play in it, bounce across it, dance in it. There is alot of room in there...
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Whenever someone tells you to take their advice,you can be pretty sure they're not using it.
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My dog hired a Person Whisperer. So now I'm driving home with 87,000 chew toys and I don't know why
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A blind man walks into a shop with his dog. Suddenly,the man picks up the dog by the tail and swings it around his head. The horrified shopkeeper asks "Excuse me,sir?? Can I help you?". Blind man says "No thanks. Just having a look around."
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When I handwrite an entire page it looks like I've had a stroke by paragraph two.
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How many of the Lost cast does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it will take 20 episodes.
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Just brought some things the the shop..went to pay for it and the lady at to the counter said "1.69 please". I said "Sorry.Can't I pay with money instead?"
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I asked the teller at my bank to supersize my order. Apparently, banks aren't full of would-be comedians.
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Some idiot in a nightclub came up to me and said, "I get 20 times more girls than you do! Haha!!."I replied, "20 x 0 = 0!" That shut him up.
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Snow: where a couple of inches will keep a woman in bed all day.
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Now that food has replaced sex,I can't even get into my own pants.
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Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.
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