SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon They say the world of relationships is an endless sea, but sometimes you go to bed with a mermaid, the next morning you wake up with a whale
←Rate | 02-08-2011 16:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're routinely referring to yourself as a grown man, chances are you're not.
←Rate | 12-09-2013 09:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to improve my street cred by lowering our minivan a couple inches.
←Rate | 11-09-2012 08:20 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If an Elvis impersonator dies, doesn't he kind of become the best Elvis impersonator?
←Rate | 07-09-2013 13:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The firefighters' union announced that it was no longer supporting Hillary for president. You know your campaign's in trouble when firefighters are like, 'Even WE can't put out that many fires.'"
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:16 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I take some pride in the fact that I don't need football season to be a terrible husband.
←Rate | 09-10-2012 14:20 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a person out there for everyone, but for some women that person is 6 cats....
←Rate | 02-18-2015 07:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've given you a card at your birthday party, know I bought it a half-hour ago and signed it on the dashboard of my car 5 minutes ago.
←Rate | 02-29-2012 10:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wear jeans every day and nobody cares. Wear a shirt twice in a row and you're suddenly homeless in the eyes of everyone.
←Rate | 08-31-2012 13:09 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never approached even 10% of Aerosmith's level of excitement that a dude looks like a lady.
←Rate | 04-19-2012 08:48 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don't they?
←Rate | 06-04-2012 17:04 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reincarnation, evolution, whatever. At some point, Larry King was a possum.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 09:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate those people who ride your bumper and then start flashing their lights at you. Like, Hey- look at me, I’m driving an ambulance.........
←Rate | 09-01-2016 08:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: Hey, you want some oysters? Him: No thanks. I'm Jewish. Me: Oh don't worry they're free.
←Rate | 04-25-2012 16:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good job on the speed traps, cops - How are the murderer traps coming along?
←Rate | 03-29-2013 11:02 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found out I have CDO. It's like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be
←Rate | 03-18-2011 13:36 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, America's the fattest nation on earth but that means were also the funniest when falling off bicycles.
←Rate | 05-15-2012 11:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say the end of the world is very near, So what if Saturday is the end of the world? If I get sent straight to hell its going to take me at least a week to realize that I'm not still at work.
←Rate | 05-20-2011 16:25 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Eating memory foam DOESN'T cure Alzheimer's? Well...it SHOULD
←Rate | 01-04-2012 11:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon my 2nd wind seems to be fanning the fire of the candle I am burning at both ends
←Rate | 10-18-2010 08:05 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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