SEAN Funny Status Messages

   Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free...

   My favorite Lil Wayne song is the one where he sounds like a confused 8 year old with aspergers reading the list of toppings at Cold Stone.

   Two things you should never do to a woman is lie to them and be completely honest with them.

   Refrigerator ice dispensers are perfect for those times when you need either zero or 5000 ice cubes.

   Pinterest lets people know things you like. For example… if you’re a man and you pin something, it lets people know you like men.

   Saw a beautiful set of teeth in Walmart tonight. Unfortunately they weren't all in the same mouth.

   Country music was much better back when they sang about murdering people all the time

   Heard Bill Clinton on the radio, someone asked how his wife's head was, couldnt help but think probably not as good as Monica's..

   Lots of soul-searching in the pro-life community now that Kim Kardashian is pregnant with Kanye West's baby.

   My 2013 resolution is for everyone else to gain 50 pounds.

   You know there's an easy way to deal with cyber-bullies: Turn off the computer and go crush his hands with a meat mallet.

   3 things in this world scare me: 1. scorpions 2. jellyfish 3. streets named after civil rights leaders at night.

   I'm not sure if people stopped saying "yolo" or everyone that said "yolo" has died.

   Next time a dude says "Pictures or it didn't happen", punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched.

   what do you do with 365 used condoms, melt them down and call it a goodyear...

   An ATM machine that gives you a hug and whispers 'Everything will be ok' into your ear when you check your account balance would be AWESOME!

   "You'll be hearing from my attorney!" Is usually what I tell random strangers leaving a public restroom.

   If I made cars I'd put an inflatable shark in place of an airbag in 1 out of every 100 cars just for fun.

   So, you're telling me my credit score should have three digits?

   This girl on Facebook is dying her hair blonde tonight. Omg she's nervous, you guys.