jitney Funny Status Messages

   Inmates in Miami Beach can now tweet Justin Beiber and poke him on after his Face got booked!

   Whenever I go to a stripclub I piont at the most slutttiest girl and say, "Hey I know you.... I use to go to church with you!"

   They told me women likes edible undies, So far the only thing I've attracted with these edible undies is ants.....

   News media should report more about professional NBA/NFL cheerleaders that comes out and says their lesbian or gay.....

   Years from now, when our kids asks what's Myspace..."come sit on grandpa's lap and let me tell you about the good ol' computer days.... Once upon a time there was Myspace started by Tom, and then there wasn't. THE END".

   Girls be like, "choose me or either lose me"....... Like they the only females out there saying that!

   I never even saw what we were running from...... She finally stop to catch her breath, so I tried to asked her what we was running from?......She yelled and took off running again, so I did too.

   you've got to walk through the door of uncertainty in order to get your punishment or reward,depending on how you look at it....

   Q: What is the standard # of ppl you can have being blocked on FB? I wanna block all my ex(s)!

   you can learn alot from health Channel news. Just found out teens are now smoking nutmeg spice, potpouri, and incense as a subtitute for weed. Wondering if there's a business opportunity here....

   Papa johns gonna make a killing either way when all the munches starts setting in!

   I'm hearing Fight's breaking out over new pairs of Jordan's shoe at Mall's across the country. um...there's no punchline to this, just people getting punched in line!

   Why are rat traps in the car-care section of this Walmart supermarket? Plenty to catch if they set it at the front of the store..

   If I have to text you first every time we talk, then I'm just goign to drop and block you!

   I just miss being able to slam it down when upset with someone. ..so they could hear it slam.

   Micheal Phelps did it again......Smoke weed before swimming, got hungry and hurried up and swimmed to the Golden All-American buffett

   That channel is all Hawt blonds and old dudes. Every show from Fox news looks like a party scene from Weekend at Bernies

   Check out a new church for the first time for Easter Sunday. When the pastor said, "would all the first time visitors please stand up", The whole church stood up with me! (Ö_Ö)

   WOW: term used by women when they are amazed that one person can be so stupid!!!

   I realized Freedom of speech has an expiration date... -Not valid when your in a position of influence, not valid when its being use as a weapon, and definitely not valid when I've got to listen to my wife!