Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   If Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles had a boy band it would be called "what direction"

   Ladies, the third outfit you try on is always our favourite because we just want all this torture and torment to end.

   Best pick up line? Lets go eat. I'm paying!

   Sometimes, you can just tell it's gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.

   Hey girls,the best time to give a blowjob is when there's a football game on TV. It sounds like 50,000 people are cheering for you.

   Look, I'm just saying that somewhere between Jesus dying on the cross and a giant bunny hiding eggs... There seems to be a gap of information!

   Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.

   To all guys who say they don't understand women: You don't have to understand how a TV works to enjoy watching it, do you?

   Last time I checked, my name wasn't in the dictionary. Therefore, I can't be defined.

   I ALWAYS cry after sex because I don't know when I'm getting it again.

   Any day now I expect to look up from my phone and meet my grandkids.

   Ladies: You texted him but he hasn't texted back? Don't be too quick to assume he is ignoring you, instead assume he was obviously so excited to get your text message that he fainted.

   I'll have a little of whatever God was on when he invented seahorses please.

   "I only cheated on you with girls" is the most beautiful thing a woman has ever said to me.

   I can't get the cork off my dinner.

   Sometimes passing by a nursing home is the only reminder I need to go buy my kids whatever they want.

   one time I came home early and walked in on my dog pretending to be me. he was just lying on the floor sighing but I know it was me

   “We don't lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids

   Yikes. don't google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"

   Good looks are so important when choosing a doctor.