Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Sometimes I'll stand up in a meeting and say "You just gave me an idea!" Then I leave the room, drive home, and go to bed.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 14:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
←Rate | 10-11-2012 09:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now if you'll excuse me, today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone else leave Best Buy without buying anything and think the security guy at the front suspects you of stealing... so you go out of your way to act friendly toward him?
←Rate | 03-27-2010 06:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
←Rate | 10-03-2010 17:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
←Rate | 05-16-2012 14:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it's not.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 13:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon No darling 56 guys didnt like your profile pic because you are "pretty." They liked it cause your BOOBS are hanging out.
←Rate | 06-14-2011 12:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon They say being successful and living well is the best revenge... But rubbing your naked ass all over someone's cell phone when they aren't looking is pretty good too.
←Rate | 06-17-2011 10:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you sit at a McDonald's playland and a parent asks you, "Which one is yours?" Say, "I haven't picked one out yet!" It's worth it.
←Rate | 06-02-2011 16:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon One day I want to be "Let's Just Take My Helicopter" rich.
←Rate | 01-23-2011 15:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two types of people in this world: Those who have a Facebook account and those who shouldn't have a Facebook account.
←Rate | 01-18-2011 17:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.
←Rate | 10-24-2012 14:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of fun I have on a night out is directly proportional to the number of items I cannot locate the next day.
←Rate | 02-15-2011 14:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the best feelings in the world is waking up to your room feeling like it's Alaska and you're under 8 layers of blanket.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 14:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day.
←Rate | 03-30-2011 12:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have watched CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, Lie To Me, Criminal Minds and Unusual Suspects. I can kill you 18 ways with a paperclip and not leave forensic evidence.
←Rate | 02-10-2011 17:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm up way too early for someone who wasn't planning on seizing the day.
←Rate | 02-26-2011 16:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know that little voice in your head that tells you "No?" Yeeeah, mine died a long time ago.
←Rate | 05-27-2011 12:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
←Rate | 06-26-2010 12:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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