BEGO Funny Status Messages

   f I show you a picture on my phone, don’t swipe left, don’t swipe right. Just look.

   I think Oprah should marry Deepak Choprah and take his last name.

   Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from a picture that makes her look fat.

   How to kill a Spider: Get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down.

   I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

   A thief broke into my house last night searching for 'Money' .... So I woke up and started searching with him

   To the guy who named cotton candy: Yes! It looks just like it sounds. To the guy who named Milk Duds: What the hell is wrong with you?

   I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.

   We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper

   Visa is everywhere you want to be…except out of debt.

   "Do you have a cell phone?" You might as well be asking me if I have a pulse.

   Before I go to sleep, I start imagining stuff that I would like to happen.

   I can't believe I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

   Their is nothing worse that realizing the vacation you planned is going to be the same week as her period.

   If you watch the Harlem Shake backwards, it's a video about a guy who parties longer than everyone else.

   My past is my past, it made me who I am, I have no regrets, wouldn't change a thing. I just don't live there anymore.

   Life is weird. You can go from being strangers. To being friends. To being more than friends. To being pratically strangers again.

   I found out today that you could group your friends on Facebook and name the group whatever you want, however I didn't know it would send the people notificati​ons saying that I added them to the, "People I've f*****.." group, sorry..

   You know you're awesome when Facebook suggests people you have already had sex with.

   They say that the first sign of alcoholism is drinking alone. I have a dog, so I don't have to worry about that.